The TARDIS Book: THE TIME IS NOW (Part 9)
by annabel.lee220
Summary: Book Four: TO NEGOTIATE WITH DELINQUENTS. The gang visits Ash Berger to help them figure out how to defeat the Lich King. Enjoy the cheesiness. Crossover AU.
1. Chapter 12: Hollow Wails of the Lovelorn

The TARDIS Book: THE TIME IS NOW (Part 9)

Book Four: TO NEGOTIATE WITH DELINQUENTS

Chapter 12: Hollow Wails of the Lovelorn

* * *

As the gang walked up to a small house in Hallow Wales, a small town on the outskirts of the Nightosphere, Marceline announced, "I don't usually barf, but this time I might have to make an exception."

"Why?" Jake asked her.

Marceline visibly gulped as she said, "I... have a history with Ash Berger."

"Is he the one who... turned you?" Jake asked, Finn having already told him Marceline's story.

"Shush, you mutt mouth," she said through her fangs. "It's true but if you make fun of him, I will rip you a new one. And by 'new one' I mean your face," she growled. In a low tone, she added, "We were together for like, a hundred years, so you better keep your snarky comments to yourself."

"What exactly is he? Does he also spew out bananyals?"

"He's wizard, not a demon. And even if he was, not all demons do that. That's pretty racist for a _dog_ to say."

"That's pretty racist of a _demon_ to say to a dog." Jake and Marceline playfully bickered with each other. Finn realized that they must have been bonding over their mutual disdain for the Princess. And maybe they also liked to complain about things in general.

Marceline knocked on the door three times. A lady with wrinkled gray skin and a white perm looked up and down at the demon girl before she asked,"Who are you?"

"It's me, Marceline." She paused to see if she had recognized her yet. It appeared as if she still hadn't so she repeated herself. "Marceline Abadeer? I dated your son."

There was dead silence as she paused to process. "Oh, Melvin, it's that trampy ex-girlfriend of yours that you took too long to dump." Ms. Berger yelled up the stairs.

Jake snickered quietly to Finn, "Hehe, Melvin,"

"Which one?" A guy's voice yelled from upstairs.

"The one that gave away her mortality to you! I knew from the start that she was givin' it away for free!" she bluntly yelled back.

He came down the stairs.

"Well, well well, if it-"

"Ask them if they want any juice, Melvin," his mother interrupted.

"Ma, leave us alone right now, okay?" whined Melvin.

"Okay, just remember the strawberry helly jelly in the fridge!"

"Hehe, fruity," Jake snickered again.

"YEAH, I got it, Ma," he said as she left into the kitchen.

"Excuse me, Ash, but since when was your name '_Melvin'_?" Marceline said with her arms crossed.

"You think you can talk to me like that, like you're some big shot, just 'cause you refused to move with me in the Night'."

"How could I say yes to that? You were acting like your dad, who you said yourself was a 'dirkfarting con artist'! And even worse, you wanted me to become just like your mom, knocked up and trapped in some suburban hole in this dink town. I would much rather be 'pretentious' than be some loser that goes back home to live with his mom. I'm glad I don't have a lame job in said dink town that creatures don't even fly over anymore."

"Hey, Hallow Wales is not dinky. And your dad seems to like it, seeing as how he's always coming to _me_ to adjust his humours."

The Princess stepped forward to interject. "Please excuse my friend here, but we're not here to argue about either of your current residential statuses or how you spend your days. We are here out of desperation and we need your cooperation. We need you to assist us in investigating the weaknesses and possible fatalities of the Lich King."

"Ugh, she's right Ash. I'm sorry I said those things. We really need your help right now," Marceline said, seeming to genuinely regret saying those things. Ash looked really sad in reaction to the things Marceline had said. Finn felt a wave of pity for him.

"Fine, just... nobody call me Melvin," he said as he dejectedly shuffled inside his house. Marceline followed him upstairs, motioning the Princess and everyone else to follow.

They walked into his room to smell a faint odor of what felt like angst, dying inside and embarrassment for Ash.

Ash shuffled through his surprisingly thick and dense collection of books on his shelves. Finn and Jake sat on his twin bed while Ice King started petting the Princess's hair.

"Ice King, what are you doing?" said the Princess, who turned around in simultaneous disgust and shock.

"Your hair is so pink, Princess. You must take good care of it, don't you? You're so pretty..." Ice King marveled.

"Can someone escort Ice King out of the room? I'm feeling rather uncomfortable."

"Oh, go bundle your bonnet, Bonnibel. He's giving you a harmless compliment," Marceline said in defense of Ice King.

"I would appreciate it if you ceased to address me by that name. Please address me by my title..." As the Princess politely argued with her, Finn and Jake took a fussy Ice King back downstairs to the undead room couch to lecture him.

"What were you thinking? How dare you touch the Princess without her permission?"

"Yeah dude, you're on thin ice, hehe," laughed Jake.

"Jake, stop it, this is serious. Ice King, I thought you were fine." Finn took a second to look at the Ice King's face. All he could see was obsession and a big fat nose. "Please tell me you haven't developed feelings for the Princess," winced Finn in anticipation of an answer he knew before Ice King said it.

"I'm in love with her."

"BWHAAAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK A GIRL LIKE HER WOULD GO FOR A-"

"FINN! Calm down, okay. So he has a crush on the Princess. He's not hurting anyone anymore. And like you explained to me, the Martian Transporter reduced his psychotic tendencies." Jake put his hand on Finn's back. "Besides, I know why you're upset and you need to admit it and accept it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," replied Finn, not letting his mind bring up the truth of what Jake was hinting about.

"Finn, if you really need to think about it, then you should ask the Princess to unlock the TARDIS so we can talk about it. Or you can go by yourself to have some alone time, either way- take a breather, " Jake said, in a paternal tone. His offer was incredibly rational, so he decided that Jake was right.

Finn sighed as he said, "Okay. I think I need some time alone. But I'll ask her to let you two in while I stay here, just in case the girls need me for something. I'll be right back." Finn walked up the stairs in a haze. He walked up to Ash's room to see his door was closed, with the Princess sitting at the outside of it.

Finn sat down next to her and asked, "What's going on, Princess?"

"Ash explained that the answer to defeating the Lich King was in the Enchiridion."

"What's an 'Enchiridion'?"

"It's an encyclopedic manual that contains information about the past, the future and anything in between. It contains the story of how the Lich King was contained by my mother. It will guide us to defeating him and saving my people," she explained.

"Why do you seem so sad?" asked Finn, judging by the tone of her voice and her somewhat slumped posture.

"I'm fine... The thing is, the Enchiridion is currently in the archives of my family's library, in our castle. I haven't been there since I fleed from the Lich war. It'll be difficult to retrieve and frankly, I don't know how I'll be able to face my people."

"Princess, look who you have with you. You have me, your almost-knight who has the power of the TARDIS within him. You have a genius animorphic-vampire-demon hacker who's immortal and quite frankly is terrifying sometimes... there's Ice King, whose body is invincible and is powered by magical ice particles or whatever... and there's Jake, who is a magical dog that can kick butt in any size and shape. We can handle this," boasted Finn.

"I know we are an incredibly equipped gang with both magical and scientific abilities. I'm not really worried about that."

"Well it still seems like something's bothering you."

"It's none of your concern, Finn," she said dejectedly rather than aggressively, the way his former employer, Lir, would say it.

Whenever Finn saw the Princess's sadness, he knew it had something to do with her past. He didn't know much about it, but seeing her expression as she mentioned facing people from the Candy Kingdom made him realize something. She was ashamed.

"Princess, I can tell you feel bad. Like _really_ guilty. I bet you think it's your fault that the Candy kingdom is in its current state."

The Princess remained silent. Finn pressed on. "And you must feel terrified that the Lich took over your brother's body, not having a clue about how to exorcise him without him perishing."

"If you have a point, then please attain it because you are comforting me in a very ineffective and ultimately detrimental way."

"Look, we're going to get that Lich out of your brother, whatever it takes. There must be some sort of spell for possession. I'm sure Marceline can hack into any security system and you can unlock anything with your screwdriver. And as always, me, Jake and Ice King will be your defense."

"But you can never understand the weight of what I did. I abandoned my people at their hour of need. You can never understand because you've never abandoned anyone."

"That's not true."

"You came back even though I made you leave me. You made yourself vulnerable to Magic Man and you almost died. I will never forgive myself for that."

"Princess," he paused, trying to figure out how to phrase what he wanted to express. "None of this is your fault. It was _my _choice to come back. And you had to escape, because you weren't ready back then and you wouldn't have done anyone any favors if you had gotten killed. This century is not wasted. You were supposed to be in Ooo, to meet me. And because of me, you met Jake and the Ice King. And because you met Ice King, Marceline revealed herself to you. That probably wouldn't have happened had it not started with meeting me. We're all supposed to be together in order to defeat the Lich King. We don't leave anyone behind, not anymore. You weren't strong then because you were alone. Now you have strength because you have us."

"Thank you, Finn." She wrapped her arms around him. "You're so sweet," she smiled.

Finn flushed, making him embarrassed that he still couldn't control his reaction. The Princess let go and knocked on Ash's door. She stood up and straightened her overcoat and her dress. Finn stood up and waited behind her. Ash opened the door to let them in, only to see Marceline on the twin bed.

"What's going on you two?" asked the Princess, who almost sounded enthusiastic.

"Uh, can I talk to you guys in the hall?" Marceline asked.

"Sure," the Princess warily replied. They walked back outside and Marceline closed the door behind her.

In a hushed tone, Marceline whispered, "Look, I really appreciate jamming out with you guys, but I'm not sure if I can go to the Candy Kingdom."

"What? Why?" the Princess whispered with shock.

"Well... I was talking to Ash and... he's a complete mess. I think he really needs my help- he says he's been a wreck since I left him. He says that I'm the only girl he's thought about since we broke up."

Finn was upset. If that were true, then Ash would have already recognized that it was Marceline at the door before he had even gone downstairs. The truth was: Marceline was incredibly codependent. An incredibly lonely creature who would only hurt people because she felt hurt in the first place. Someone who wanted to make it easy for others to leave her, so she had control over who she let in and out of her life. And the last-maybe only-boy that promised to never leave her was probably Ash, as shameful as that seemed. But the Princess needed her. Finn and Jake needed her. The Ice King would be dead without her. And without Marceline, their chances of retrieving the Enchiridion would be severely weakened.

"Marceline, you don't really want to be with Ash," Finn said bluntly.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, remember what you said at the door? You don't want to be a housewife and you don't want to live in this dink town. You're a wonderful person and you'll have no problem finding a guy that's way better than Ash. Don't let him use you. And just... respect thyself." Finn wasn't sure if he should express how much they needed her, so he didn't add anymore to the statement.

Both the Princess and Marceline said nothing.

After a moment of silence, Marceline sighed and said, "You're right, Finn. It's just... hearing him talking about history and jank makes him sound really smart, and... in a way he is. It's why I was interested in the first place...And it's hard because sometimes I snap into those old feels I had for him. But thanks. For snapping me out of it," she said, smiling at him. Finn smiled back.

"Come along, we've got bigger urchins to deal with," the Princess said.

"Wait, how am I going to tell Ash without hurting his feelings?"

"I'll let him down easy," Finn winked. Finn went back into the room as Marceline and the Princess went downstairs.

* * *

Marceline and Bonnibel sat on the front porch of Ash's house, discussing the plan before they had to gather everyone into the TARDIS.

"So, next destination is the Candy Kingdom," Marceline said, knowing Bonnibel was struggling with the situation.

"Yes. So you're very clear on the plan?"

"Umm, roughly... So you want me to break into the archives in the library and retrieve the Enchiridion?"

"Yes. The banana guards can be subdued with my fast-acting sleep elixir. It's perfectly benign, so the only side effects are confusion and drowsiness. Because it is fast-acting and benign, the overall affect will only last mere minutes, so do be sure to be quick and efficient. Especially if you aren't able disarm the security system," Bonnibel told her.

"You know I can and I will," Marceline guaranteed. "Once we have the Enchiridion, you'll get to the Lich chapter and use a containment spell on him?"

"Well, that I'm not perfectly certain, but most likely yes. Before I do that, I need to find a spell of exorcism to expel him from Achilles."

"You know, I've heard stories about it. That's your mother did, right? But for some reason, it didn't last," Marceline said. It didn't make much sense. The Lich was trapped in the bubble that Bonnibel the Second had created with the turquoise jewel in her crown. Ash said nothing could break that bubble unless someone had used an Enchiridion spell. "Do you think someone broke the bubble on purpose?"

For a second, Bonnibel's eyes widened as she stared into space. "Who would possibly risk the lives of the Candy people to do such a thing?" Bonnibel asked with a mixture of horror and fury.

"I don't know, but I guess it's part of our job to find out, isn't it?"


	2. Author's Note

Don't forget to add me to your author alert subscription to get updates on new stories from the TARDIS book! Feel free to PM me any questions. Please, dear god, please review!


End file.
